Almost a year has gone by since I last posted. At the time I was still online with dating services. Why? Because I’m not dead yet.
Part of me in still in love with the Sixties because I was young, looking for adventure, sexual and otherwise, seeking to discover my potential in all aspects of my life – artistic, my relationships, my capabilities and knowing how far I can go, seeking to expand beyond myself. Don’t we all do that? Well, some of us do. Some of us refuse to let hypocrisy, judgmental outsiders, and fear hold us back.
I am a writer; therefore, I seek. We don’t always find the answers we want. So we ask different questions. We keep asking questions – questions about our beliefs, our judgments, what and who we love, and why. That is the hardest question, Why?
Writing about Erin in The Flawed Dance took me back to the Sixties and the Seventies. One agent recently told me he couldn’t sell a book set in the Sixties. But Erin’s story cannot be told in any other era, I don’t think. Maybe I’m wrong. I set the stage in an era in which I lived, in a time and place that still lives with me, because the past makes you who you are. Erin’s story could be mine. It’s about what each of us is capable of and how we adjust or not adjust to that truth. We are two sides of the coin of good and evil. Erin discovers this and it haunts her, almost destroys her. Our mind plays tricks on us, lets us see as life really is or it can show us in distortions.
I look at my grandsons and I can see the mistakes they are making. I judge them, because I can relate and I can sit back, now that I’m in my sixties, and remember. I can’t change them. They have to discover life on their own, push the boundaries, ask questions, find answers.
Damn, that’s hard. We want to live vicariously through our children – until we see the pain they are going through. You want to change them, remold them, help them. But we can’t.
It’s easier and harder to look back on the past, relive, readjust, remake into fiction, make it a story. That story became The Flawed Dance.