When writing The Flawed Dance, I am back into Erin’s world. I’m assuming this happens with most writers. We are involved with our characters. We live their experiences in our heads, cry when they cry, laugh when they laugh. How otherwise can we show their feelings, their happiness or sadness, their triumphs and failures?
I know Erin well. She was me – not literally, you understand, but while writing about her. Erin is the woman who is open to new surroundings. She walks into opportunity and wears the new look with aplumb. Yet in the back of her mind, deep in her heart, is the memory of what she had done to her ex-lover. She realized that everyone, no matter how good on the outside, is capable of murder. Knowing this in a sense almost frees her from fear. If she is capable of killing someone, she is also able to keep from being killed.
Erin left one world behind and only looked back to see if the past followed her. She would do whatever it takes to survive. She would enter this new world ready to take it on. This leaves her with the freedom to explore and discover her new self. The sixties was a time of free love and free expression. She explores the dance and finds that through music and motion she is able to expose the emotion and passion she had always suppressed in the past. Sex also allows her to express emotion and passion. She greedily accepts these freedoms and indulges in both without limits. But with such greed also comes pain.
She is attracted to men who would control her because in her mind, if they love her enough to try and possess her, she is controlling them. When she tires of being controlled, she rebels and fights her way out. She will never let a man break her spirit.
Erin is my alter ego and will forever be a part of me.